


God of Time

by sveritas



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Time Skips, Time Travel, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Translation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8835502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sveritas/pseuds/sveritas
Summary: In author's words: After the events in Civil War, Steve travels back in time and meet Tony in his childhood years. A story of redeeming and redemption.In translator's words: Steve never got a chance to tell Tony how he feels about him and it's already too late, but now he gets to know Tony growing up, will he be able to seize the opportunity?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [时间之神](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/247654) by 睡觉谁叫. 



> I really liked this story and decided to try to translate it. Hopefully I didn't ruin it.  
> I'm about 2/3 through the first round translation of this.  
> Thanks WendyShad for checking my grammar and verb tense!

0  
This was the fourth year since Tony passed away.

The fifth since Civil War broke out.

The sixth since Steve had some faint realization that perhaps, the person he had affections for is his teammate.

It’s not that Steve didn’t know time is a bitch. Especially for him. No matter who the God of Time is, it has been especially cruel for Captain America. It had dragged him out of his own time and forced him into a time not of his own. And then, just when he started to have a sense of belonging and (had) thought that he still had a long, long time, it had snapped his future and hopes right there. 

For a long time, Steve could hear the blurry roaring sounds, like the gunfire from faraway during the war/WWII, like burying one’s head under the water yet still hearing the ceaseless bantering from others; like the sound of seventy years, colliding into a second with a sickening thud.

Steve gotten sunk into a state where he couldn’t feel time at all, which (was) must’ve been impossible considering his four time enhanced senses by the serum. Plus, he’s a soldier, punctuality was in his nature. But it happened.

For instance, he had felt it wouldn’t take long to walk from the church door to Tony’s coffin, but before he could touch it, they had already buried him. Steve’s appearance had made the government agents especially tense. They hadn’t even given him a couple of minutes to say goodbye.

And later, he remembered it was still the first half of the night that he’d gotten rid of the surveillance and sat down by Tony’s gravestone, yet an anxious Natasha had shown up a few seconds later and it had already been dawn. She had repeatedly saying, “You shouldn’t be here! Tony’s lawyers haven’t settled the whole Accord thing yet! Don’t further complicate the situation!” and such, refusing to give him more time to be alone with Tony.

At another time, when the Accord episode was over, they had gotten to return to New York legally, moving back to the Avengers Tower. He would always start drawing in Tony’s workshop until Vision entered through the wall, dragging him away and sitting him down in front of the dining table, where he’d just been seconds ago, forcing him to take his meals. To be honest, Steve felt sorry for having to have Vision looking after him. He just couldn’t realise that time had passed.

Sometimes time went by too quickly, sometimes it seemed like hadn’t moved at all.

He was still Captain America. He led the Avengers, battled with the aliens, Hydra, and all the other villains. He went to the squares, feeding the pigeons when he got some free time.

When an alien ray pierced through his heart and the rest of the Avengers were still on their way, the only thing he could think of was,

This whole damn thing, it’s finally over.  
The time that seems would never run out has finally came to a stop.  
Thanks to the unknown God of Time.


	2. Chapter 2

1

When he opens his eyes again, he is standing on a piece of lawn near some streets, without a scratch, wearing white T-shirt, jeans and the plaid shirt that people always laughed at.

For a second, he thinks he’s saved. But the fact that he has no wounds, no suit nor shield, and not lying in the hospital ward tells him otherwise. There’s no one nearby. This place looks like the edge of some rich family’s estate. As a superhero, he has seen all sorts of strange situations, but this doesn’t mean he won’t be clueless facing one.

He hears a crack of the branch, and sees a child falling (off) from the tree as he turns his head. Instinct takes over and before he realises what has happened, he was holding that kid in his arms. The child with carefully combed curly black hair is so frightened that his eyes are closed. He slowly opens them after realising the pain he’s expecting won’t struck.

Those big caramel coloured eyes.

“Who are you?” He says.

Steve can’t speak, he hears the sound of the cog of time started turning again.

 

2

The kid asks again after reaching the ground safely, yet still gets no answer. Steve misses that hug, but this is a not a good time. He has too many questions, the only certainty is the person in front of his eyes. No one else has eyes like that. He has drawn them so many times. Even though the kid standing there looks no older than three, he knows who this is.

The kid shrugs, implying he doesn’t care that the question was unanswered. He raises his head, asking if he can put him on his shoulders and get closer to the utility pole.

“I’m Tony, Tony Stark.”

“I wanted to check that electric box. Mom always says I can’t open that. Nothing can’t be opened!” The kid barely escaped injury seems to be holding a grudge against the tree next to them. “It looks strong enough, I was this this close to that electric box!”

Steve didn’t allow Tony to touch that box. Maybe this boy will be the godfather of the technology world in several decades. But now, the seemingly harmless electric box is still too dangerous for a kid.

Tony wouldn’t obey him of course, oh, Tony never would. Doesn’t matter if it’s orders during battles, or his shouting in the freezing Siberian wind, or rather the countless times in his dreams, his begging, asking him to come back, Tony never obeyed.

Tony swings hard to get loose from his hands, running towards the pole. After a few futile attempts,he set his eyes on the only tree besides the utility pole. It’s quite obvious that the branch closest to the pole has broken, the few others looks far and weak. He turned his head to the man who just saved him, estimating the possibility whether a good round of wrangle would earn him the permission.

That tough looking guy opened his mouth:”Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you want to open that electric box?”

Yes, why? For a long time, they’ve got accustomed to overlook the motive why the genius does everything he does. Few had ever asked him why. Even if they did, it’s accompanied by accusations and disapproval. They said, “Why did you create Ultron?!”; “Tony, why are you so stubborn?!”; “Why is it that every time I decide to believe you, you left me with no choice?” So that man never explained. He never explained that he didn’t spent all night studying so he can show off on the helicarrier; never explained that he created Ultron out of the fear that they will be defeated; never explained that he signed the Accord because he wanted to atone, to stop making everything worse.

Steve later learnt that every “Why” he’d failed to ask has a heartbreaking reason. And he never had another chance to say sorry to that hero.

“It’s Christmas Eve today.”  
“So?”  
“So, if I break the electric box, Papa will come back.”  
“Last time I broke the TV, Jarvis told Papa and he came back. He fixed the TV, and scolded me, of course.” Tony says quietly, his big eyes filled with expectations.

A long time ago, the first time Steve met Tony, he said to him: “You will never be the man your father was.” Howard is a hero. Without him, there’s no super soldier project, no shield, no S.H.I.E.L.D. that protects the earth.

But now, he just wanted to drag his old friend from God-knows-where, to spend the Christmas Tony well deserved..

 

3

It takes them a while to realise that no one else can see or touch Steve besides Tony, although apparently, Steve can touch anything that’s not a human. The never-told-a-lie Captain America ran many versions of how to introduce himself to Maria and Jarvis,(especially Maria, he still gets chills when he remembers that car accident.) But his worries disappeared into thin air as Jarvis says “Little master, how could you leave the house by yourself, Madam is worried.” 

“So, you are a genie? I had though Santas aren’t real.”

After Christmas dinner, says his prayers, and goodnight to his mother, Tony leads the invisible-to-everyone-else Steve to his bedroom. This is the first time he doesn’t ask his mother to read him the bedtime stories he can already recite. There are more important things for him.

Steve doesn’t know how to define this, he’s never been the more imaginative of the two. He’s still confused, but willing to put them aside and just look at the kid who’s still no taller than his knees. He knows that this is not his Tony, that his Tony has already fallen asleep in the dark soil. But even if everything in front of him is an illusion, it’s still Tony Stark, and his past that he’d never gotten a chance to get involved.

After the butler is also fast asleep, Tony shows him around the entire Stark estate. Maria’s piano room looks just like the lady of the house, elegant and quiet. The paintings on the walls exhibits the exactly taste of their owners. Now Steve knows why Tony buys those expensive paintings to add to his collection time and time again even though he does not understand them at all. It’s not to show up, gees, Stark’s money is no secret. Why would he thought Tony was showing off. It’s a silent tribute to his mother. Howard’s workshop looks just like Tony’s in the Avengers Tony, apart from the fact the Tony’s equipments looks more modern. It’s also messy and hard for others to understand. The dust there shows the owner is not here often, and apparently has asked Jarvis not to come in and clean up. Although the lock on the door can’t stop Tony. He’s a genius no matter how young.

The last place they visits is Tony’s secret room. Steve doesn’t expect to see a room filled with Captain America comics and the products with his image on it. Before the door opens, Steve had thought he’ll see a smaller workshop, but the fact is the tool box is just at the corner of the room, with all the Captain America stuff there, looking small and pitiful.

“This is the 1960 limited edition!” “This one is my favourite!” “You wouldn’t know how many doughnuts I had to eat before I got this! I asked them many times, they just won’t sell it to me directly!”

Steve stands there, looking at Tony who’s filled with excitement around his collects and at the same time watching himself, not to break anything. He just wants to pull him into his arms and have a good cry. Tony has always prided himself as a futurist, but even he wouldn’t have imagined, that the person he so idolized as a child -he got caries in his teeth just so he could get his card- would one day pierce the shield in his chest.

“Tony.” Oh, my Tony.

 

4

He's thrown into the darkness after he spends a week with Tony. He somehow knows the day will come, just hasn’t thought that it will be this regretful.

A week of bedtime stories. Tony pesters him to read those Captain America comics. He laughs to himself about those unrealistic stories, but can’t deny the happiness he felt as he sees the admire in Tony’s eyes.

He watches Tony working with those circuit boards, when those tiny hands picks up the wield Rob, his heart almost stopped. Tony laughs at him for “being a more worried old guy than Jarvis”.

He had to put on his “uncle face” to threaten Tony finish his milk and vegetable juice. Tried everything he could to stop the three-year-old going for the coffee pot. As Tony puts his most adorable expression on, the kid in front of his eyes overlaps with the image of the man from his memory. His eyes gets red and all of a sudden, Tony shocks his head, promising “I won’t drink it, won’t drink it. Don’t cry.” From the very beginning, the man was so kind.

He hasn’t told Tony his name. Tony decides that he’s an accompany genie call and calls him Mr Secret. He’s so grateful for the fact that there’s no image of him without his masks on in all the documentaries or comics, so that he can hold the boy in his arms, watching him sleep, instead of getting excited yells.

He’s not hungry nor sleepy. It’s not from the serum obviously. He doesn’t care why. He’s just thankful that God didn’t take the sense of sight and smell from him. He can still see Tony, engraving his image in his mind again and again; he can smell the milky smell on Tony, not the same as the oil, coffee, or metal type of smell he’s used to, but intoxicating nonetheless.

The God of Time never grants him too much grace, an average morning, Tony is still breathing peacefully beside him, the dawn looks just the same as he had left Tony’s grave- slightly blue, like the eyes of the new born baby. Steve went back into the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

5

When Steve wakes up, it feels like he never left. It’s still Tony’s secret room, except for the workshop section looks bigger. The table is still not man’s size, with a big machine sort of thing on it. An engine from a car?

Tony pushes through the door and sees him, starts screaming. Jarvis comes, and Tony sends him away saying “somehow the wrench dropped to the floor”.

Although at all not necessary, Tony carefully locks the door, then turns around and standing there, looking undecided between throwing himself into his arms and punch him in the face.

“I thought you are an illusion, but that doesn’t make sense. I can’t have an illusion for a week! So you really are a genie, what did I do that made you leave? How did you leave? Where did you go? What have you been doing? Are you leaving again?” With all the questions, Steve is ready to believe that Tony will have trouble breathing. He walks towards the boy who had grown taller for quite a bit, holding him in his arms. It makes Steve happy to see him no matter when. And after the four long years, no matter why he’s here again, he’s happy.

Perhaps the overly firm embrace delivered the message of care and the sense of safety to Tony, he stops asking questions, hugs Steve back with some hesitation.

“Okay. Same rules, you don’t explain, and I don’t ask. Ok? Mr Secret?”

Howard still doesn’t come back often. When Tony finished working on a circuit board at four, he came by chance. Tony believes, quite single-mindedly, that building something bigger and better will draw his father’s attention more effectively than breaking stuff. Hence the engine on the table.

Steve looks at the thing that he’ll never understood the mechanism of, and marvels at the genius of Tony. Tony returns a shy and warm smile. Steve tries very hard to stop his hands from caressing Tony’s cheeks.

Once, the Army defined his inventions as “dangerous”, openly tried his armor even after he had stopped making weapons’ Clint had complaints every time he was forced to give up his doughnuts quota as he requested upgrades for his arrows, saying, “Don’t be so petty, Iron Man, we are a team!”

Natasha got the specially made dagger, before listening to his long explanations-“You don’t know what I’ve done with the blade! It will cut through wind! The handle is specially made, I put in a tracking system, in some situations…”, the agent had to stop him. “Stark! Stop! Just tell me how to open this damn dagger!”

Even him, he just said “Thank you” after receiving his Shield collector.

None of them told Tony he’s a genius in front of him.

 

After his death, (God! He hates to admit this), they’d really understood Tony’s genius. No more upgraded arrows with explosion powers, the daggers that’s able to analyse the attacking patterns of the enemy, his shield collector broke during a battle. SHIELD’s weapon department spent two months on this technology, and the end product still puts a dumb pain every time the shield circles back. So painful that he had to curse in battlefield.

Whoever gave him a chance to praise Tony, Steve is truly grateful to him.

6

After repeatedly promising Tony that he didn’t disappear because Tony didn’t behalf, Tony is still unhappy about his leaving. He yells at him and forbids him entering his bedroom, yet secretly opens his door, peaking if he’s still there from the edge. Steve suddenly realises that Tony had been like this since six, saying one thing, meaning another. 

A clever, rich but lonely child, growing up in a big house, says “I don’t care” over and over, thinking it will make him stop caring.

The only thing he could do is to stand in front of the door, not be bothered with Jarvis who passes right through him, making sure that he can be seen every time the black haired boy opens his door. He had used this trick many times, standing at the entrance of the workshop, with sandwiches and salads, waiting for Tony to give in. Apparently, little Tony isn’t as good as controlling himself as the older one. He gained his right into the bedroom soon.

“You won’t leave again right? I’m just asking. Don’t think that I care.” The child lowers his head, looking like he’s observing the metal clasp on his shoes.

“I don’t know. Sorry.” lying is not Captain America’s forte, and he knows very well the pain of making a promise and not keeping it.

“How would you not know? It’s you! You are a genie!”

“Maybe I’m a genie that can’t control his abilities?”

Six-year-old Tony accepts the explanation grudgingly. A genie who can’t control his abilities. Will appear or disappear without warning, there’s nothing he can do about it.

“I hate things I can’t control.” The boy numbs. 

“I drank the awful tasting vegetable juice!”  
“I helped Jarvis with housework for a whole day.”  
“I listened when mon played the piano, didn’t fall asleep.”  
“I was good.”  
“But you didn’t come back.”

 

You didn’t come back.

I signed the revised Accord.  
I learnt to use those high tech equipment, not breaking them.  
I learnt to put on a suit at formal events.  
I was also good.  
You didn’t come back either.

The child can’t hide his upset, Steve holds him up the the same eye level, telling him.

“I really can’t control when I’d come and when I’d disappear, but...”

“If you need me, I’ll be there.”

That’s the only truthful sentence in that poorly phrased letter, hiding in his ill chosen words. How he wished that in that battle, his daring ironman would call him, telling him the dire situation he’s in. Rather than holding the sacrificing spirit, rushing into the center of the enemies, saving New York once again, and for the first time, lost his good luck.

If this strange time-travel is arranged by God, please just make sure of this, when he needs me, let me be there for him.


	4. Chapter 4

7

They take a walk nearby. Jarvis doesn’t approve of the little master walking by himself to far away places. So they can’t go to the Natural Science Museum.When they make sure that no one is around, Steve puts Tony on his shoulders, rushing down from the top of the hill. Tony says, “It’s so cool, it's just like flying.” and “Some day, I’ll take you fly!” Steve doesn’t tell him that this is so not comparable to actual flying, and once, back in time, there was a man who did take him fly, it was awesome, and much better than that.

Tony ignored Steve’s “lying is not being a good child” and uses “want to learn to draw” as an excuse to get painting supplies from Jarvis. Steve draws a few little Tonys for him. Tony takes the brush and drew Howard, Maria and Jarvis beside him in the first one. The drawing was pretty bad so he wrote the names down. In the second picture, he adds a big tall guy with blue eyes and blond hair, with little wings in his back- “Genies! Genies have wings!” and wrote “Mr Secret”. On the last one, he draw a man with blue, white and red clothing, and a not very round shield, with the word “together!” on it.

Steve holds Tony a little tighter as he tries to make the shield rounder.

“You want to find Captain America?”

“Of course!” Tony looked up at him. “What! Don’t say something stupid like ‘he’s dead’, Captain America won’t die!”

“Why do you want to find him?”

He thought ill of you the very first time you met. He disagreed with your actions, hid the truth of your parents’ death from you, protected the man who killed your parents. He says "together" yet took half of the Avengers away with him, leaving you alone, without reinforcements when aliens struck. He’s responsible for your death, why do you want to find him.

“Do you even need to ask! Papa will be home when we found him! Well, that’s just one of the reasons. The most important is that he will beat the bad guys! Protect America! Protect all humans! Keep peace! I want to keep peace too, but mom says I’m too young…”

He protected humans but didn’t protect you.

Steve remembers where he went down, of course. Perhaps if they find the Captain America in this world, Howard will come home. This Captain America maybe not able to protect Tony, but his father could. He will grow up in a loving family, no daddy issues, no trust issues, no PTSD. For this, Tony deserves a Captain America that wakes up earlier, even if Steve will be doubted, be abandoned.

“I think, Captain America is at …”

Darkness struck, he lost to time once again.

The paper he grabs firmly fells to the floor.

 

8

When he opens his eyes, he’s standing in an alley. The sour garbage air smells just like the alley in Brooklyn where he got beaten up.

“Get your smart ass away! Stark! You little bastard!”

Steve starts running towards the sound.

“Next time do some research before you hit on a girl! It only takes 100-200 milligrams of Theobromine for each kilograms it ways to kill a dog! Can you store anything in your brain?!”

“What does it have to do with you! Go back to the teacher for praises with your rich little ass! No one is smarter in the whole fucking world right?!” The boy who raised his fist is not much different from the bullies you’d see in TV. Tall and strong, with muscles on his face.

And Tony doesn’t look much older than the last time he saw him. The elementary uniforms he’s wearing looks wrinkled, the bruises on his cheek annoys Steve. For the first time, Steve hates the fact that he can’t touch anyone besides Tony. The fist was about to hit him, Steve had to carry him, and dragged him away.

“Get lost! Stark! Find your dad and cry!”

“We shouldn’t have run!” After getting to another alley without anyone else present, Tony says, laying his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

True, this is the first time Captain America ran from a battle. Even when he was still suffering from numerous diseases, too slim because of poor nutrition, he can do this all day with those bullies. But the one getting hurt would be Tony, not him. Now he really doesn’t wish to see any wound on Tony, not even a small scratch.

He steps closer, presses down the wrinkles and pads away the dirt. Can’t help to put his hand on where the bruises are.

“So you really came! When I needed you!”  
“Although the first couple times they locked me in the bathroom you didn’t show! But this time you did!”  
“I kinda wish you can punch those guys back! But it’s great that you came!”  
The boys says with excitement. After he startled a clown of doves, lowered his voice.

“The first couple times?! How many times?”Steve intercepted.

“Just once!”

“The truth!”

“Twice!”

“Tony!”

“... Seven times..”

“Yes! I know! I should have kept my mouth shut, don’t ‘Tony’ me, I just…” Tony hesitates as he looks at the gloomy looking man, “I just… can’t stop…”

“There’s too many things in my mind, they can’t stop, I… I had to say it… I’ll explode if I don’t!” 

 

Steve recalls those mumbling on the helicarrier, those times he talks to himself in the workshop. This genius never really learnt to disguise himself, he’s so clever and not into disguises, even though he got hurt from his own brightness again and again, he’s always so pure, like a child.

“I’m not upset because of that.”  
“Come on, I think I know what to do, if it happens again.”


	5. Chapter 5

9  
Tony is in elementary school. The workshop has expanded, and finally claims its own space, separated from the secret room. They visit the big house. Steve has worried whether teaching Tony simple martial art will make Tony one of those bullies. But that thought faded away as he sees the Captain America and Tony in the frame.

When he grows up, the Iron Man had the power that makes a whole Special Forces lower their heads, he had the most powerful weapons but chose to protect, not to attack. Iron man was never the Mark serious armors, but the kind heart underneath.

Same goes for the seven-year-old Tony.

He spends a lot of time in teaching him, trying to ignore Tony’s watery eyes and soft groan during stretching sessions. Thankfully he has some experiences. Tony used to use those same tricks in their close combat sessions in the training room. He had to find a way to hide his erection in those days.

Training is very successful. The next time Tony’s stopped by the boy named Kent in front of the school gate, Tony uses a combination of two nimble uppercuts and a straight to his abdomen and finishes the battle. The little girl next to him lets out a surprised shout, looking at Tony like he’s the Prince Charming.

Don’t be jealous towards a child, Steve, it’s not decent.

He says to himself before lost his conscious. 

10

“You missed my graduation ceremony.” Before his eyes gets used to the lights, he feels arms wrapping around his waist.  
“Of course, dad missed it too. It’s no big deal.”

Steve turns around to hug Tony. He is close to his chest now. High school uniforms. Of course, whatever the clothes, when Tony wears them, they always look more classy, it’s like those flash follows him wherever he goes.

“Sorry.” He says. He knows Tony cares about the graduation ceremony.

“It’s really nothing. Five years, and still can’t control you abilities?” So he’s twelve now, looking great, no cuts, no bruises, although slightly shorter than everyone else walking out from the school gate.

“Yeah.”

“Alright, so, what do we do? Mr Secret?”

Steve believes Tony shouldn’t skip class, but after Tony’s all set to recite the whole physics textbook, he gives up. It’s a boarding school, so they had to jump from the walls. As Tony lands in his arms after the jump, he’s reminded of that moment, not long ago, when Tony fell into his arms from that tree. It’s the first time he’d heard his own heart beat in four years. No physical body, reborn as a ghost, yet realising he’s more alive than ever before.

They went to Disneyland. Tony keeps saying that “those are for children”, he knows it’s not how he really feels.

Once there was a time a group of aliens attacked California, destroyed more than half of the rides there. That day Tony was angrier than usual, set his repulsors to higher levels than before until he boomed all the “bastards who destroys children’s dreams” to ashes. Later, Stark Industries funded the rebuilt and Tony put the New York Disney on the agenda. However, even after the New York Disney was built, Tony never went.

“What’s the fun playing with all those equipment that flyers around? What’s better than flyers in the armor?”

At that time Captain America didn’t know the real reason behind Iron Man's refusing to go- lacking the suitable companion. He just held the ticket he’d hid in his pocket firmly, and walked away with his head lowered.

Truth is, Tony is crazy about Disneyland. He shouts as they are on the Space Mountain, keeps saying “it feels good to get to the state of weightlessness”. He’s so scared in the Haunted Mansion, he has to grab Steve by his waist, doesn’t care what other people thinks of him. He can’t help from humming that song in the Small World, and shuts his mouth agitatedly as Steve chuckles. They end the day by Tony eating a doughnut riding the Ferris Wheel, while watching the fireworks. 

The date is six years late for Steve. He didn’t have the chance to travel with his Tony, but he got to give Tony a childhood that’s not full of regrets.

Tony falls asleep as he touches the pillows in the hotel. Didn’t even get to take the Mickey Mouse hair pin out. That’s what Steve traded with three doughnuts for. His soft curly hair makes him look cuter than any cartoon characters.

Steve looks at Tony with great yearnings, can’t help running his hand through his hair as he takes the pin off. 

He realises he’d forgot to say goodbye again as darkness hits.


	6. Chapter 6

11  
To be honest, if Steve had known when he wakes up, he’d seen this, he would rather wake a little later.

On the bed lies two intertwined bodies. His black haired boy has the upper half of this body leaning against the headboard, another boy with bright blond hair is sucking the red nibbles in his chest like he’d never weaned. 

Perhaps Steve broke something in his rage. Tony, who had closed his eyes for the whole time, suddenly opened them, and the blurriness in his eyes from lust disappeared as he sees Steve. He abruptly pushes away the boy who’s still making marks on his chest, says panicked yet dispassionately.

“You should go.”

“What?!” The blond boy still has his back toward Steve, but Steve could see his well trained figure. Football player?

“I said, you should go.” Tony quickly grabs the bedsheet to cover the private parts, (so, He can see them and I can’t?), reaching for his wallet at the night stand, taking out all the cash in there, handing them to the booty call that had been clinging together a minute ago, who still have no idea what had happened. He did all of this without taking his eyes off Steve.

“Fuck! You! Stark!” The football player puts on the pants, grabs the cash, and the slammed door can’t keep his roars out. 

Steve finally got to see his face. Blue eyes.

Awkwardness is all there is.

“You…”  
“You…”  
Two people, one standing, the other sitting down, speaks at the same time.

Steve wraps his arms around himself, leaning against the window, tilted his head, suggesting that Tony goes first.

“So, you really can’t control you abilities. Mr Secret.”  
You are always a little bastard, aren’t you.

12

“So, don’t you think it’s too early?”  
(I didn’t managed to ask you out when you were forty.)

“Sorry, MIT, I’m a college student.”

“But you are just fifteen. Please tell me this is your first attempt?”  
(God, hopefully not at this point in time.)

“What time did you come from exactly? Fifteen and still a virgin is humiliating enough, this is America!”

“Believe me, not having sex doesn’t go against the spirit of open and freedom in America.”  
(I don’t have a virgin issue, you just can’t be hooking up with someone else in front of me.”

“Seriously? Me having sex has anything to do with the American Constitution?”

“Football player?”  
(Your taste, huh?)

“Football Captain! Mr. Holmes! So the old genie from the last century is going to lecture me I can’t be gay? So what? Burn me on a stick?”

“I’m not homophobic.”  
(I’d probably burn myself first.)

“So what’s with the face… oh… Virgin?”

“...”  
(You have to use that in any time and space, do you?)

The quick questions and answers section suddenly loomed by the silence that follows. After some time, perhaps three, four minutes, or just a couple seconds, Steve watched in horror as Tony pushed the sheets aside, stands up and walks towards him.

“You said, you’ll be by my side when I’m in need.”Tony licks his lips without noticing what he’s doing.

He moves his hips forward slightly, showing off little Tony to Steve,

“Now I need… some help.”

This is perhaps the first time Steve’s thankful for the darkness is nigh, although he’s not sure if Tony had saw the erector he’s no longer able to hide.


	7. Chapter 7

13

Dancing, no matter what age it is, is always desirable.

He opens his eyes when Tony is doing his speech as the valedictorian. Thank God he makes to at least one of his graduations. He sees Howard and Maria in the crowd, although Howard can’t wait for Tony to step down from the stage and leave after a phone call. But he’s here, and Tony knows that.

Tony sees him as well, thankfully the crowd in front of him hides his erector. It may have been two years for Tony, but to Steve, a completely naked Tony is still in front of him. The regalia and completely naked. Steve thinks he needs some time to persuade his little brother not to stand straight as a pole at this time..

He watches Tony hugs Maria, and walks straight to him, ignoring the microphones from the school paper, just like the way he walks out from the stage every single time.

He’s as tall as his shoulders at 17, raises his head and smile.

“Hi, Mr Secret.”

They are surrounded by half of the MIT students, it took Steve all his strength, to not pull him into his arms.

Time goes around and comes around, he’s at a ball. He owed a dance 70 years ago, didn’t get a chance till his girl is too old to get up from the bed. He didn’t dance 70 years later. The man he loves is a party animal, a real king at parties. Steve watched him dancing with Pepper, the lean together, looking like the perfect couple, designed by God. At that time, he didn’t understand his feelings, just felt that the Martini that night was unusually bitter, even the serum could not ease the burn.

Now, he’s at the ball again. Seated at the bar with Tony, watching almost the everyone in the college comes and asks for a dance, and he declines every single one of them.

Until that blonde football captain comes by. 

“Still saving it for your secret boyfriend?” He holds a glass filled with scarlet colored wine, sips as he asks.

“Get lost, Turner, find someone else, you won’t be alone tonight.”  
Okay, at least Steve gets a name.

“He’s not here, isn’t it? Graduation celebration. Honestly, your secret boyfriend is not one of your bots, is it?” That Turner boy gets closer to Tony. “You know as long as you still have that ass, the deal is always on.”

Before Steve’s anger takes control and pull off the human shaped pine-apple, Tony started. He pushed the man who’s almost clinging onto him and says with a smile.

“He’s always here. So, FUCK OFF.”

Steve can still hear the swearing of the blond boy until they get to the roof. For the first time ever in his life, Steve is truly happy for Tony’s swearing.

 

Music is still audible from the party downstairs, the summer moonlight gives the roof a dreamy feeling. He reaches his hands to the man in the black tuxedo, making the gesture of invitation to dance. 

After all these years, he thinks, God still brings his suitable dance mate to his side. All the regrets is no longer of importance. He just wants to finish this dance.

Can’t remember to initiates it, they started kissing.

Blond boy with blue eyes, secret boyfriend, saving it for two years. Steve’s not stupid. Of course he knows why it is. He had secret crushes, he knows the reason behind all of it.

The fear and the feelings he couldn’t speak out loud and the tides of feelings overwhelms him. He kisses the boy in his arms, almost taking his breath away.

I love you.  
Oh, God, I love you.

He didn’t actually do it. Tony’s not happy with his “not yet the drinking age” thing at all, but Steve comforts him with a perfect blow job and countless passionate kisses. And perhaps the pushing too hard when he’s 15 made Steve disappear helps a bit.

As Tony is exhausted and almost falls asleep, he suddenly whispers.

“In case you disappears, and I’m not there to say good bye. I’ll say good bye this time. No, it’s see you later, looking forward to the next time.”

Steve hugs the boy a little harder.  
“Right, see you later.”


	8. Chapter 8

14

Steve doesn’t know the next time he goes back, whether he should use the time to spend with Tony, or try to locate Bucky. The last time when he mentions Captain America which leads to his disappearance tells him that he can’t change the history, and he doesn’t want to leave Tony. So this time around, he selfishly enjoys every second he gets to spend with Tony, and forgets what the future may hold.

It’s the familiar Stark Mansion. Emptied bottles all over the place and Tony is crawled at the corner for God knows how many days. 

Steve knows instantly which year this is, 1991. Only the death of his parents can damage him like this. Fate is never friendly to the Starks, especially Tony. But the abduction, the break up with Pepper, or the split of the Avengers didn’t make him as desperate as this. 

Clearing out Tony’s puke and getting him cleaned took some time. Tony struggles in his arms, murmuring some nonsense. Tears dropped from his eyes as Steve presses him to his chest.

“Dad… Mom…”

“Don’t leave me.”

Steve has to grind his teeth to stop himself from crying out loud. In Siberia, he could told Tony calmly that it wasn’t Bucky, that he’s been controlled, been brain washed. Now he’s willing to hate the winter soldier a little bit, and to himself who could been that calm about all this. He’s logic still tells him it’s not Bucky’s fault, but feelings are not so easy to control. He puts his arms around the deeply wounded lover, cries silently.

Sorry, still not able to protect you from harm.  
Truly, truly sorry.

15

It took Tony a while to stop screaming in his dreams. His struggles forced Steve to hold him to make sure Tony doesn’t hurt himself

This time God of Time is surprisingly lenient, giving him long enough. He was able to stay till Tony signed the will, and stopped using alcohol to calm himself. He and Tony lived in the empty Stark House. The old butler has passed away years ago. Now the house inhabits only one man and one ghost.

He watched Tony reorganize the collections in his secret room. The carefully wrapped collections aren’t very difficult. The comic books are shielded in transparent plastic bags, one by one, with no trace of being flipped through countless times. The glass covered models are carefully dusted. Tony leans on Steve with his mind blank, sitting in a room filled with Captain America collections. In the afternoon, he calls some guys, and signs the proposal to continue searching for Captain America.

He watches as Tony locks down Howard’s workshop, keeping everything exactly as they were, as if its owner will come back one day. He placed the circuit he made at four, the engine when he was six, and the Diploma from MIT. That’s pretty much all the happy father and son memories.

At last, Maria’s piano room. Tony opens the door so carefully as if he’s afraid to interrupt a dream. The piano stands where it was, and his couch is just next to it. The truth is, Tony had never really dozed off sitting in that couch since three years old. “I had to thank you. Making me really listen to mom playing.” The smile on Tony’s face is so broken, makes him feel like he’s dead inside.

They make love in Tony’s bed, slowly and gently. Tony is unbelievably tight. He gasps like a fish out of water underneath Steve, eyes filled with tears but never moves away from Steve’s face. They exchanges so many kisses, can’t take their mouth away from each other. Steve keeps murmuring “I love you.” and “I’m sorry” as he puts his forehead against Tony’s, pushes himself closer, till the pleasure and the sadness overwhelms them.

They have tried countless positions, but never left Tony’s bedroom. The heartbreaking truth always lingers at Steve’s lips. He remembers Tony’s eyes when he asked “Did you know?” in Siberia, and shifts his gaze to the boy attending Maria’s garden.

Tomorrow.  
I’ll tell him tomorrow.

Years past, Steve scoffs at himself, you are still a coward.

16

 

The next time is in Tony’s office. Looks like Tony has left the Stark House where he’s the only resident and left the past in the past.

He can still feel Tony’s temperature, carefully wrapped under the unchanged plaid shirt.

He really doesn’t want to have a fight with Tony. He just can’t help it.

He becomes the weapon maker who took over Stark Industries in the end. It’s not that he believes Tony is a killer, making huge fortunes with the blood of other people. He knows how much Tony regrets this experience in the future.

“So, this is how you look at me as well? I’m taking away people’s like for fun?”

“Tony!”

“Stop ‘Tony’ me! Mr Secret! What do you want me to do? Let my father’s company rot? I'm so tired of explaining the relationship between peace and weapon! I make weapon! I don't create war!”  
His eyes are filled with sadness from the misunderstanding. He wouldn’t have read this. Most people can’t read Tony. They think his explanations are just sophistries, takes his silence as acquiescence. Most of the times, it doesn’t even have anything to do with Tony’s sharp words. No matter how mildly Tony puts it, as long as he’s Tony Stark, the man standing at the top of the world, the inventor, the most successful businessman on the planet, he will be questioned and attacked.

 

People love to think the worst of this man. Because he’s rich, he’s smart, he’s strong. People wants to find themselves a reason to be jealous.

“Tony!” He finally managed to make the genius who can speak five thousand word per minute shut up. “I know you. I know you are nothing like what they are saying. I’ve always known that.” Steve is so sincere, there’s nothing remotely similar to perfunctory or cajoling in his tone. Tony calms down.

“I’m just worried people will use you. You are never the man who creates bloodshed, but people can use you.”

Steves know what he’s about to say will be a huge blow for Tony. But it’s better than Tony’s regrets and remorse. 

“Watch out for Obadiah Stane… Promise me you will! And…”

“Oba?! … Steve!”


	9. Chapter 9

17  
Again.

No matter how hard he tries, he can influence history, not changing it.

Tony is still kidnapped, at the age of 24. He listens to Steve and keeps tabs on Obadiah Stane, stopped the hypocrite from continuing to smuggle weapons but this alerts him and moves the kidnapping ahead.

Steve kneels down beside Tony’s med bed, watching him slowly puts the arc reactor in the hole in his chest.

He broke his promise, again. He says he’ll be there when Tony needs it. But he’s not there when Tony went to Afghanistan to retrieve the last order of illegal weapons; he’s not there when Tony wanders in the desert, he’s not even there when Tony’s developing the armor and injured from the fall, with only the Dum-E holding the fire extinguisher next to him. 

“Stop you feeling guilty. I can hear the clogs moving in your brain, old guy, remember to rub some oil, I recommend Shell, quality stuff.”  
Tony doesn’t care, he never cares how much he got hurt, like he deserves it. He doesn’t care Steve didn’t keep his promises, he easily forgives the “dumb genie has limited ability” issue.

But there’s something else in his smile. That’s the burdens he never shows Steve.  
He still stubbornly carries all the blood himself, believes he’s responsible.

“That’s not your fault. Tony.”

“I made those weapons, people died. I’m responsible.”

The conversations follows goes into a loop. Steve tries ask Tony not to take too much on, but Tony believes he needs to atone for everything. Finally Tony breaks down.

“Yin-Sen! The weapons I made destroyed his home! And he gave his life to save me!”

Steve feels sorry for the great man, but he rejoices from the bottom of his heart that Tony’s here. He didn’t die in some cave.

“He died! He died!!” Dark haired man is still roaring.

Steve suddenly knows what he should really say, and it’s not those empty comforting words.

“Tony, I forgive you.”

They all owe Iron Man a forgiveness. After Afghanistan, after Ultron, after civil war, all of them believes all is good when they settled the problem, leaving the overly smart guy in guilt, can’t get out of it. No one told him he’s forgiven. No one told him the past is in the past. Instead, people keeps bringing them up, so he can’t ever move past it and stuck in his guilt.

Now he can finally say this, and watches as Tony put his face in his hands, saying sorry with tears in his eyes.

18

He doesn’t want to go. Of course he knows what follows: Palladium poisoning, Whiplash, Mandarin or some other villain. Tony is wearing a suit, he’s the Iron Man Steve knows from before. One time Steve wants to talk Tony out of the whole being superhero thing, but that thought makes Steve sick. 

Tony Stark in Iron Man. He's destined to be since Tony kept a roomful of Captain America comic books. But this can’t stop Steve from worrying. He’s afraid that one tiny mistake at some point in time and he won’t be able to hold the less than thirty-year-old man in his arms.

God of Time didn’t take him to Iron Man in his hour in need. The next time he wakes up, he’s standing in an operating room, watching doctors trying to save Tony covered in blood. His armor in the form of a suitcase, left at a corner far away. He thought he’ll die as Tony dies.

His feet are weak and can’t hold him. He crawls to the side of the operating table, watching doctors keeps going through his body as they keep working.

“Tony… Tony… Tony… Please…” He keeps saying. No one knows he’s here. But his Tony knows.

The curve lines appeared in the heart monitor makes him can’t help but kisses Tony’s head.

Thank God, you are alive.

19

Tony’s transferred from ICU into an upscale single room. Pepper comes by to visit, so does Rhodey. The closeness he and Pepper shared once isn't here anymore, but Steve knows Pepper still cares deeply about Tony. Like real friends do, always side with him.

They share kisses while the room is empty. Tony’s badly injured (although he insists he’s find and take on more) so Steve couldn’t be too rough.

They have all kinds of fights. About coffee, about cheeseburgers, about donuts, about checking out, condolences, and having sex.

They also have all sorts of compromises. Tony signs a series of agreement like getting one donuts as long as you don’t drive the doctor away. Tony complains that these are much more unfair than the ones Qing government signed after the First Sino-Japanese War. Tony keeps demands more benefit for the losing country, Steve always have a way to shut him up, stop and enjoy a kiss after a near death experience.

One ordinary morning, the sky looks just like the time he first left the three-year-old Tony, pale blue like a baby’s eyes.

Tony’s still lying beside him, taking smooths breathes, the two of them filled the bed that's intended for one.

He hears Steve’s voice all of a sudden.

“You are the sole reason I exist in this world.”

Tony’s not really silent, he just has to suppress some groans. He says after a while.

“I know.”  
“So it’s so good to be alive.”  
“So good to have you.

20

Tony asks to be alone for one day after he checks out from the hospital, even if Steve may disappear once again, he’s not allowed to follow.

It’s the first time in Tony raises such a request. Steve’s so accustomed to opening his eyes and sees Tony, and stays with him whatever he does. This request makes me all confused and hard to swallow.

Steve has to wander around in the streets of New York when Tony threatens that he will put on his armor if Steve keeps following him. He goes back to Brooklyn, sees the place he once lived in, the alley he got beaten up in, the streets he’d rode a Halley by. All of a sudden, he misses the Stark House, the Avenger’s Tower, the house in Malibu. There’s where Tony and their memories are. For a long time, he’s been able to say goodbye to his past. Tony has helped him getting over the regret of not being able to save his friend, the sadness of missing that dance and other remorse and regrets of his past.

He finally takes a part in Tony’s life, maybe not that much, but he’s got much much more than he could before.

He doesn’t know how long it will go on. If it will never end. But he believes he’s be there waiting for him even in Tony’s old age.

He’ll wait till fate to take all Tony's life in front of him.


	10. Chapter 10

21

Tony really built a Disney Theme Park in New York. The black haired man invites him awkwardly, Steve just holds his hand, says “Let’s go.”

They didn’t go for the roller coasters, Haunted House, or the Small World this time. They hold their hands together, walking along the people and the parade. In those people who came with their family’s eyes, Tony’s a little sad, wandering in the Disneyland by himself. But the smile in Tony’s face makes him look as if he owns the whole world.

The Ferris Wheel rises, the time Tony sits by him, eating a doughnut, watching the fireworks is just like yesterday, yet the man on the bench across from his just celebrated his 26th birthday yesterday.

He knows Tony is nervous. From the moment the walked out of the door, and it has peaked. He watches as Tony clumsily reaches for a little box from his suit pocket. In it lies two rings, no decoration, nothing luxury like the boss of Stark Industries should picked. But this still almost made Steve cry.

“I don’t have time to customize it. God know if I’d be a very old man next time I see you. I guess you won’t like the fancy styles anyways, so, just… oh, god! I can’t believe I’m doing this! I don’t know when you’d disappear! I researched for a long time and still can’t figure out! God! I don’t even know your name! Maybe you’d still look like this when I’m seventy or eighty, with the same clothes. You can’t even wear the rings to the next time we meet. You know, it always falls to the ground. But that doesn’t matter, I’ll pick it up every time, you can wear it when you are here. That’s that.”

“Tony, breath.”

Dark haired man stares at him, grudgingly pushes the box with the ring into his hand. The speech he gave just now exhausted all his courage.

They kissed, with their fingers intertwined, the firework at 9:20 comes up right on time. The bright sparks from the fireworks are reflected by the rings on their fingers.

“I love you.” He says.  
“I love you.” He replies.  
Steve can’t believe this is his destiny.  
21

The next time he wakes up, it’s freezing cold, and he couldn’t move at all on the bed.  
People are talking around him, shouting something like, “awake, he’s awake”.

There’s roaring sound in his head.

His first action is to look at his ring figure on his left hand. Nothing there, unsurprisingly. Then he realises something is wrong. He’s plaid shirt disappeared, in its place, the Captain America suit he’s so familiar with.

The agents took a step back as they watch him sit up, then making way for a figure he can’t be more familiar with.

Tony. His Tony.

His still so good looking, just as young as he was in the Ferris Wheel. The shiny object on his left hand caught his eyes.

He slowly pulls his mask off. Looking at his husband’s widened eyes.

No one made a sound. Until his Tony walks slowly to him, reaching for that box in his jacket pocket, putting that silver ring on his finger.

“Don’t lose it this time. Steven Rogers.”  
“Ok.”

They both know this is not the end of the problems between them. The strange story has so many things that can’t be explained. Those inescapable harm didn’t go away with the second chance. Steve has some many things he didn’t get to say, he didn’t dare to say. They would still have quarrels, have arguments.

But that doesn’t matter, they’ll work it out. They’ll work it out together.

We’ve been together for a lifetime.  
We’ll be together for a lifetime.

Thanks to the God of Time, whoever he is. In the long river of time, this time, I’ll never lose you again.


End file.
